


drivers license

by bydayorbynight



Series: break up song [1]
Category: Roswell New Mexico (TV 2019)
Genre: Angst, M/M, Teen Angst, Teenagers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-12
Updated: 2021-01-13
Packaged: 2021-03-17 01:14:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,062
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28716327
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bydayorbynight/pseuds/bydayorbynight
Summary: “I’m gonna love you forever. You know that, right?” Michael had said it like it was an immutable fact.“Forever is a long time,” Alex had hedged, because he didn’t want to get his hopes up.“I know. I said what I said.”—Alex gets his driver’s license.
Relationships: Michael Guerin/Alex Manes
Series: break up song [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2112414
Comments: 27
Kudos: 45





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> inspired by drivers license by Olivia Rodrigo

Alex toyed with the brand new driver’s license in his hand, letting the edges dig deep into the pads of his fingers. Of course, there was only one person he wanted to tell, and he wasn’t around to hear it.

“You’ll finally be able to drive to me for once,” Michael had teased lightheartedly that past summer. “I do all the work in this relationship.”

“We can’t all have old man Sanders teach us how to drive at the illegal age of fourteen in a broken down truck,” Alex shot back with a smile.

“Honestly, he didn’t teach me anything. I kind of just went for it. Luckily, _you_ actually get to have an amazing teacher.”

He remembered the time he had forgotten to put the car in reverse and almost drove straight into traffic. They had a good laugh about it after the terror had subsided.

Now he could drive, and there was nowhere to go, no one to go to. He turned the key in the ignition and backed out of the driveway with no destination in mind, driving by their old haunts, imagining his face in the driver’s window of every Chevy that passed by.

They spent more time in the back of the Chevy than in front though, laying on their backs and looking at the stars, charting out their futures.

“I’m gonna love you forever. You know that, right?” Michael had said it like it was an immutable fact.

“Forever is a long time,” Alex had hedged, because he didn’t want to get his hopes up.

“I know. I said what I said.”

He was alone, but the empty passenger seat felt occupied by a ghost. He turned on the radio to cut through the silence, but it only made him think about when they used to sing along to it with reckless abandon. He could barely focus on the road then.

“Sorry, I know you’re tired of hearing about it.”

“It’s fine, Alex. I get it. But you’ll find someone else. Someone better,” Liz said, pouring him a second cup of coffee at the cafe that fall, after it had all gone down.

“I know we weren’t perfect, he wasn’t perfect, but I just can’t help but feel like we could have made it work.”

“You can do better than Michael Guerin, I promise,” Liz responded, which made Alex feel sad, though his first instinct was to defend him. She didn’t know him like he did. None of them did. They didn’t understand the depth of his loss.

Alex found himself kicking up dust in the middle of the desert, in the exact spot where they had had that last fateful conversation.

“If you want to be with her, at least have the nerve to tell it to my face!” Alex had yelled, the tears close behind his words.

Michael looked at him, stone-faced. “You’re right. I want to be with Maria.”

Even though Alex had seen it coming, after the weeks of drinking, fighting, and lies, it still stung to hear the words spoken into the dry, desert air. And at the end of it all, Michael still had to drive him home.

Now he could run away all on his own. But he still loved him. The best he could do was pretend that he was driving home to someone who still loved him back.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sequel for the heartbroken

Michael’s tongue had barely left Maria’s mouth before she told him.

“Alex got his driver’s license.”

It felt like a test that he was already failing.

“Oh, yeah?”

They told each other they were just hanging out. But neither of them had spoken to Alex since it had started. He wondered how she knew.

Michael had been so excited to teach Alex how to drive. Driving was freedom, and he wanted that for him. The gift of flight.

He had watched Alex from the passenger seat as he made careful three-point turns in an empty parking lot after school had let out. He had counted down crosswalk signals as Alex waited for the red lights to turn green.

Funny, then, that he had been the one to leave.

“You’ve been drinking a lot,” Alex had said to him on more nights than he had liked to count.

“Maybe you’ve been drinking too little.”

It was just as well that Alex found himself in the driver’s seat more and more. Sometimes he was the only one who could drive.

“Another bar fight? How are they even letting you into the Wild Pony?”

“I have my charms. Come on, Alex. I distinctly remember you hitting Valenti in the face not too long ago.”

“That was a one-time thing! And he deserved it.”

“Well, this guy deserved it too.”  
  
But there was nothing rational about the fear, a silly little emotion that could still level mountains. All it took was a sneaking suspicion that he would never be enough, that he could fuck it all up in a heartbeat. That he already had.

Maria was lovely. She was confident and warm, strong when it counted, and always game for a good time. Most importantly, she wasn’t Alex. He couldn’t handle Alex. It was like staring at the sun. Luminous, but not for his feeble consumption.

But when Maria asked where he was going, he didn't answer, throwing the truck in reverse without a second glance, heading towards the familiar nothingness of the desert.

He dialed the number by muscle memory. The repetitive tone finally getting cut off sounded something like hope.

“I heard you passed the driving test. Congrats,” Michael’s voice was rough and distorted over the phone. “I always knew you could do it.”

“Why are you calling me, Guerin?”

“I meant what I said about forever.”

It was quiet on the other end.

“Alex?”

“It seems like you’re doing just fine without me.”

“I’m not. I’m not okay without you.”

“Michael...”

“I got scared, okay? I knew I was going to mess it up. Like I mess up everything. I love you, Alex. I couldn’t ever love someone else. I’m sorry.”

“What about her?”

Michael sighed. “Another person I need to apologize to.”

Of course he wasn’t okay with letting him go. He had never felt this way about anyone else.

“Where are you?” Alex asked.

“Our usual spot.”

Over the phone, he could hear the engine roar to life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wasn’t going to write this but I felt bad for leaving it at that. A little hope for these dark times.

**Author's Note:**

> talk to me on Tumblr: [bydayornight](https://bydayornight.tumblr.com)


End file.
